July 14, 2015 - kremdelakrem
put my two weeks in.
long chunk of text coming thru. you’ve been warned.
hello. my name is fake for reasons (mainly my paranoia), but i’ve been working my 90 day probabtion (three months) at target and as of recent, i’ve realized retail is NOT for me. my friends who worked retail told me i’d hate it when i first started. however, i loved it. it was fun to talk to guests and i love helping people. it was fun – i was excited to work the long hours they gave me (since i made my availability to ‘any’ during this summer) and i was genuinely excited to come to work and just…work. i’ve never done retail ever, so i was excited to finally be doing it and to finally have it on my resume, just in case. the job seemed pretty ideal at first – i could work and on the side, write a story i’ve been working on since forever.
after a few weeks of going in and out everyday (i only had mondays and wednesdays off), i was getting tired. i even changed my shoes to make my feet hurt less and i even slept early. but i had no energy to write my story or even draw (i’m an art student and art is my passion blah blah) and that made me sad at first. but i sucked it up. i thought if i passed my 90 days i would be able to change my availability and then i would have time to write and draw and go to school, as school and my art are my main concerns. but that mindset changed.
i had gained a friend while working there we’ll just call her L. L came to one day while i was zoning shoes and basically told me that most of our softlines team had something bad to say about me. it was because of my work ethic and that i moved slow and that whenever i did work, it wasn’t enough. at first i was offended – i had assumed i was doing okay if a night manager or anyone hadn’t spoken to me about it. so i just brushed it off and said “well hey, fuck them. they weren’t fast like they are now when they first started.” and left it at that.
a few days later the two night managers called me into the backroom. sat me down, asked me if i liked working here and of course, i said yeah. they pointed out to me that i needed to be fast, fast. fast and that they really don’t wanna let me go. mind you, this was four weeks after i started. i assumed this was a normal thing and that they went over all the stuff with new kids like me. unfortunately, the way they were talking to me (i assumed i was called in because i was getting fired), i started to tear up a little, so i nodded and said i understand and left. and so i got back on the floor afterwards.
i told L what they said and what they wanted and she left it at that. we had a talk again about me needing to zone and move faster, so i said yeah, okay, i’m gonna do my best. it made me happy because they were talking to other works about their work skills and how they should move on the floor.
so i wasn’t ALONE.
fast forward, few weeks in, i’m still working here, coming into work everyday. i even showed up an hour or thirty minutes before to let them know that yeah, i wanna be here and that i like it here. but as i kept working and doing softlines, doing pulls, doing other’s zones and areas at times, and just being there for long hours, i got tired and my body showed it. i expected to be worked like this, so i didn’t complain. however, i asked HR if i could do an availability change since she was the one who interviewed me. she said “unfortunately, we can’t change your availability because when you applied, you put it down for any. so maybe when your probation is up, we can talk.”
i sighed and said okay.
so i got over that. however, my softlines coworkers were gossipy and it was getting very annoying. they always had something to say about someone, a GSTL or night manager or just guests in general. i was told by my retail friends that since there’s nothing to do when working with clothes, girls gossip. they were right, so i avoided most of my coworkers except for a few who were mature and above the rest and during huddles and meetings. other than that, i avoided most people (except those who were higher up as well).
one day, i came to the fitting room for a few hangers when i overheard two of my coworkers (X and Y for safety) and Y had said she couldn’t believe they were considering firing (some random asshole) before firing me – because i’m slow and don’t work fast. and X basically laughed and agreed and i felt really bad about it. so i didn’t let it show. instead, i went on into the fitting room, didn’t say a word, and took my hangers and left.
i didn’t tell anyone who was higher up and kept it to myself. i had doubted L at first about gossip (because she could’ve been spreading rumors), but it was confirmed. i then began to notice a lot of other softlines workers being very cliquey and sticking together and zoning and doing pulls and reshop together. and whenever i decided to help zone or do a pull, some of them would move on to the next aisle immediately or they would get quiet and keep doing their jobs.
so i began to zone and work on my own – i’ve been assigned mens and shoes and i liked how alone and quiet it was in the mens section, so i was fine being the only one assigned there. since L hung with the girls who shit talked so much, i secretly began to rely on her for information. and she’d tell me the same thing – they talked about my work ethic, how slow i was, how i didn’t work as fast as they did, and i did my best to ignore it and block them out. i came here to work, not socialize.
as time went on, i felt a little depressed. because it looks as if i’ve been doing good and whenever i zoned an area and what not (i always did a LITTLE deep zoning while zoning), i got compliments from managers and other salesfloor folk and got praise for how well i cleaned. but even so, i was sad because i expected to be in a work place full of mature people (since it’s “target and all”), but i was disappointed. most of these kids i worked with were in college, just starting out in college, or were still in high school. and of course, high schoolers and college freshmen are immature as hell at times.
again, i ignored the gossip and rants and how i was excluded from zones and working reshop until one day, i just said “fuck it” and called the evening managers to the backroom. there i told them that hey, i’m being bullied, i don’t expect this at a workplace, and it’s honestly not fair that i’m forced to work with people who are immature and childish and that i deserve better. i felt immature and childish myself for even calling them to the back for such a thing and that i’m going to be 20 soon and i should grow up and get over it.
and i told the two of them that i felt bad for even wasting their time with a call like this, but they said “if you feel you’re being mistreated, we can look into it and talk to them. everyone needs to work together for things to work out and run smoothly.” and i agreed – teamwork was key, not excluding people and going off into cliques.
again, i’m an adult and i was letting immature things get to me – but i have the worst anxiety at times and yeah, i’ve dealt with bullying most of my life and learned to block it out but what got me was this: i put target on a pedestal, expected too high of them, and in return, i got typical retail. after realizing that i didn’t like retail or many of the people i worked with, i wasn’t as excited to come into work. i found myself forcing smiles around coworkers (i always smiled for guests), i came into work a few minutes before i should clock on rather than earlier, i didn’t say hi to or speak to many in the backroom and i kept to myself aside from a few.
other than that, i just didn’t deal with anyone. but i gave myself time to think – should i quit? and i decided a few days ago that yeah, retail isn’t for me and that i’m not happy here and i don’t deserve mistreatment from fellow coworkers. so on sunday, i submitted my two weeks notice. the LOD looked at my form, asked if i was sure and i said i don’t want to make a big deal over being mistreated, i’d rather go quietly instead of giving the girls what they wanted. he said okay, he’d leave it for HR to look at.
that was on sunday when i did my two weeks notice.
so now i have to work out my two weeks. however, i have work today at 4pm and i honestly don’t feel like going in. i’ve already called off three times in the past (mainly me being sick and having to deal with family things), so this would be a fourth time, but like…does it even matter at this point? i considered just not even calling it, but people tell me a no call no show is worse than calling off, yet at the same time, i don’t care.
this place has drained me emotionally, creatively, and i don’t feel like going into a job where i can’t do my best like they expect me to, and instead, give them half-assed work like i’ve been doing lately. i don’t finish my zones on time anymore, i skip sections of clothes, and i take longer breaks than usual. why go into work if i won’t even put in the effort?
so what should i do? i don’t wanna go in today since i did my two weeks notice – it shouldn’t even matter at this rate.
i hate the people i work with, i’ve been mistreated by coworkers, i put in my two weeks on sunday, i don’t wanna go into work today but i’ve already called off three times for actual reasons, i’m afraid of calling off again rather than doing a no call no show, so what do i do? should i just say fuck it and call off or just don’t?