April 6, 2013 - VodkaStinger
REDCards: How Target Got Me Addicted to 5-Hour Energy Shots
I’ve been working at Target for almost six months as a cashier. At the time I got hired I was dirt broke and unemployed, so when I first got the job I was naturally overjoyed. Going in, I knew that it would be a big part of my job to push the damn Target credit cards, but I figured that it wouldn’t be too hard. Boy was I wrong!
As a cashier, you don’t have to push the REDCard, you have to sell the REDCard. Meaning that you have to basically beg all customers to please sell their souls to the Target devil. I’ll admit that it’s not impossible to get customers (I REFUSE to call those fiends “guests” when I am off the clock) to sign up for hell, but it is incredibly fatiguing and belittling. Normally, what I say usually goes like this:
Me: (After engaging in some small talk with the customer) So are you saving 5% with us today?
Customer: (95% of the time this is the answer) No thank you, I’m not interested.
Me: Oh, but do you know that it’s not a credit card?
Customer: Umm.. no thanks, I don’t want any more cards.
(At this point I would just give up, but because the expected conversion rate at my store is over 2.5 and because I rarely get any cards, I have to keep going.)
Me: Yeah, but if you come here often, you would sure be saving a good hunk of cash.
Customer: Yeah, that’s okay.
Me: Well, if you ever change your mind, just bring in your ID and a blank check.
Customer: Ok, thank you!
Me: By the way, did I mention you get free shipping if you purchase things online and thirty extra days to return things?
I HATE MYSELF after every customer I check out. What’s worse is that even though they see how hard I try to sell the piece-of-shit cards, the LODs still think I am not asking people if they would like a red card because my conversion is low. But I digress, I usually find myself physically drained by my first break. So one day I decided to take a 5-hour energy shot because I tried them once on a long trip late one night, and I knew it would give me enough energy to deliver “a great shopping experience for my guests.”
recently, I discovered that the best way to sell the red card is to be very talkative to the customers so that they think you are their friend. But because I need to be energetic in order to be talkative, I now take an energy shot at the beginning of my shift. It’s gotten so bad that I can now surely say that if I will not get a single red card if I don’t take an energy shot that day. So here I am, drugging my body with unhealthy amounts of caffeine a day just so that fucking Target can keep screwing every person who decides to get a red card, all of this so I can keep my shitty min. wage job. I tell you, if it wasn’t for the fact that I need money to stay in school, I would’ve quit that job the day after I got it.