September 5, 2013 - Bob_Anus
1447-Store, Cincinnati Ohio
This might be a bit of a ramble, but fuck it.
I was brought in for temporary work during the 2010 holiday season. At the time the job was okay despite the lack of hours. I was officially hired on shortly after the holidays. My hours picked up and they eventually had me cross training the hardlines and the backroom. We were usually stuck there till 1AM because the store was so busy. There were never enough back up cashiers.
Then about a year ago something magical happened. Our HR ETL was fired and her little helper quit. Come to find out those two along with a few other ETLS were committing time clock fraud by altering employee clock-ins and clock-outs. My STL was in on it too. He was always a greedy dick bag. He never cared who he affected as long as he got his. We were lucky enough to only see him about once a month when he actually decided to come to work. Unfortunately no one else lost their job for screwing over the employees on their paychecks.
Our ETL of AP and an Overnight ETL both quietly left a month or so later. It was kind of fishy because they both worshipped the place. One was an entitled cunt with a stick up her ass because she went to Miami Oxford and looked down on everyone else. The other was a clueless white picket fence dipshit with no clue on how to talk to anyone. He would address us as if we were 3rd graders. For example he’d start a conversation about employee parking with “Ok guys. Where do we park our cars? Does anyone know?” He would then wait for one of the mindless idiots to answer him. I was glad to see them both leave. I also have no doubt that they left quietly as an agreement with corporate over that time clock scandal. I’d love to run into either of them on the street just so I could spit in their faces for the bullshit they got away with.
Last summer our ETL of hardlines quit. He was actually one of the best ETL’s I got to work with. Found out that he left because this stupid unicorn, rainbow-seeing princess was making more money than he was. Apparently being the ETL of hardlines and dedicating 8+ years of service doesn’t matter in the face of an ETL of logistics with watermelon sized tits and less than 3 years experience. It also helped that she had an STL with daughter/father issues and a constant rock hard dick for her. Our district people came in and offered my old hardlines ETL more money, but he turned it down and left out of principle. The princess hung around. Not getting her shit done and constantly pushing employees into unwanted overtime. She’s a joke. Fuck her.
Afterwards the ETL of softlines decided to leave and return back to her home. She was a bitch too. No one over in softlines liked her. A lot of softlines actually quit during her tenure because she was such a cunt to everyone.
The new ETL of AP that came in wasn’t even fully trained. She only took two of the required twelve weeks it takes to complete ETL AP training. Guess what? She sucked at her job too.
Our STL straight up disappeared without explanation. Sometime later I found out he hurt his back carrying his jet ski. That or he hurt his back heaving the tits of that logistic ETL. He never returned and for a little while we operated without a store lead.
They eventually replaced our ETL of hardlines with the guy who was in charge of our remodel. Guess what kind of person he is? He’s a turtleneck sweater wearing dipshit. He screwed up our remodel so bad that things are still left in ruins and operating in chaos months after the fact. He also managed to rocket over budget so much that everyone got their hours cutback to make up for his fuck up. Basically he would show up, walk around with that shit eating grin on his face, and either fix some pegs or have you to do his work.
Around the 2012 holiday season Target started to become unbearable. Corporate and their dick-sucking lackeys started to really push us to promote red cards, attachments, and whatever other bullshit they wanted to pander. They talked about that stuff before this point, but it wasn’t this constant peddle, peddle, peddle that it has become. We also use to get a lot of free food as a perk, but now we have to earn it by completing nearly impossible tasks. For instance go a whole month without compliance.
I made it through that season. They got some new ETLs in to replace the ones that left. One was for AP and the other for softlines. The ETL of softline was another young dumb bitch with horrible people skills. She made so many long term softline workers quit that it wiped out the whole area. You would think corporate would look at that and wonder what’s up. Fuck no. She was best buds with our HR ETL and got a free ride for awhile. It didn’t last long as it turns out. She was told to voluntarily leave after tossing a co-worker under the bus and pissing off a higher up.
The ETL of AP was just a big ass liar. He claimed to be the son of a Bengals player and was getting mad pussy n’ shit. This type of bullshit was spewing from a man with the kind of latent homosexuality that only a young Neil Patrick Harris could manifest. He actually got arrested inside the store because he stole cell phones from our mobile booth. On top of that they think he was telling people when to come in and boost stuff. He also had this little white boy attached to his dick. I swear whenever they were apart for a few seconds you would hear them over the walkies calling for each other.
So a few months ago we finally got a new STL. That’s when Target became the biggest piece of shit it could ever hope of being. After all the awful people and things that occurred at this store, the last few months beat them all. The irony is that nothing actually happened. At least in the sense that none of the ETLs ever got busted for stealing shit, walking outside whenever they want, committing rampant time clock fraud, treating employees like shit, etc. All they would do is force the bullshit corporate policies down our throats and suffocate us as effective workers.
At this store we have so few people on staff. Whether it’s on the sales floor, running cash registers, in the backroom, any where you can think of there are next to no employees. Every department is constantly yelling for backup calls. During my last week, which was the back to school rush, we had calls every few minutes. There’s tons of pulls on the line. The ETLs don’t help. Our STL is so fucking clueless that she will have whole conversations over channel one despite the fact that everyone can hear it. She also likes to call people over that same channel like we are obedient little dogs instead of just finding and talking to us like normal people. She can go suck a canine dick. Fuck that bitch.
This place is a fucking joke. All you hear about is the vibe, red cards, guest service scores, blah blah blah. Fuck them. They don’t want to pay you anything, but they want you to do everything. They constantly ask you to meet unrealistic goals made up people that don’t work and live in the magical fairyland of Minnesota. Anytime you do reach a goal, they raise the bar so your work is never truly done. Then they ride you to complete the shit that’s required of your position on top of bothering customers about red cards, getting your vibe on, and providing backups to all the departments screaming in desperation for help. One sales floor rep does the work of at least four people.
During the last few months a ton of long term employees have quit. These are the same people this store has relied on to get where it’s at today. And that’s another thing about this place. Only a handful of people ever got any real work done. The rest were lifeless, brain dead stools that never had to earn a thing in their life and are simply coasting through life. At least until they wind up McDonalds.
Three of the team leads stand out for all the wrong reasons. One guy had peanut butter breath and micromanaged the shit out of everything you did, but he never focused on any of his own work. He also twists your words to fit whatever bullshit is in his hollow head. Fuck you. Then there’s this dumb hoe with a stripper name that no one can figure out how she’s a team lead. I’m lying. We all know she sucked some dick to get that job. She was just an idiot. Lastly we have the gnome troll who only deals with the girls he has boners for. That ugly little fucker liked to toss people under the bus left and right.
I could keep going on about how they fuck people over at Target. There’s the promotion promises they won’t honor, the joke pay, needless fighting for raises, wholly lacking benefits, useless discounts, ETLs that make too much fucking money for what they do. I mean, fuck, a nurse makes less than them. The hours are bullshit too. Hey I have pretty open availability. Here’s nothing but closing shifts. FUCK YOU!!! The only way to get ahead at Target is to kiss ass, kiss the right ass, and be bossy. They love that shit.
FUCK TARGET
FUCK THE VIBE
FUCK 5 PERCENT
FUCK YOU.
(I put those last four lines on my resignation.)
IF ANY ONE OF THE SHIT SUCKING ETLS READS THIS
YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS
IT’S FUCKING BOB ANUS
THE MOTHER FUCKER WHO PUTS RESHOP IN MICROWAVES.
SUCK 5 PERCENT OF MY DICK.
EAT SHIT!
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Wait, does that mean that 5% of your dick is covered in shit? 😉
I'm here at work and I can't stop laughing about the microwaveable reshop!
I haven't laughed this hard since I quit smoking weed.
Im literally crying!
That's the besy way to quit. What was the persons reaction?
Don't know how they reacted to it. Who gives a shit fuck them.
"Our STL is so fucking clueless that she will have whole conversations over channel one despite the fact that everyone can hear it."
Your STL (and the ETLs for that matter) sound incredibly similar to the ones at my store. Our Logistics ETL was thankfully sent to work HR at another store, but she caused several good people to leave and caused a bunch of chaos beforehand.
The softlines ETL has decided that only three of any type of clothing is allowed on the salesfloor tables, so everything else they get is sent to backstock. (The DTL hasn't approved this, but hasn't told her "no" either).
The TLs for Presentation and Hardlines are shallow, super-BFFs who don't do anything but try to suck the dick of their ETL. Transitions are being set on time, or early in some cases (because that makes sense), but their accuracy is so low it's laughable.
But enough of my rambling. Best of luck to you, hopefully you've found a job that actually treats you like a human being.
I just don't understand how these people are getting into these positions of authority, nor do I understand why they're getting paid so much for doing so little.
I think its that people who would be good leaders dont want to be because you'd be stuck working with a bunch of dipshits .