Target Sucks - We Hate Target and We Know We're Not Alone.

February 12, 2014 - Hate_Me

The Lady’s Voice Over the Walkie

We all know her voice. That sharp, grating, bitchy tone that snaps at you in the middle of your work like some pissed-off grandma who never makes cookies, despite her promises to do so. That grandma that sits in the casino on Keno Night, slamming her bony, gaudy-ringed fingers on that “Draw” button faster than a woodpecker can drill a borehole. That grandma that smokes too much and doesn’t like her grandkids, because she didn’t like (or plan) her own kids to begin with.

…The lady’s voice on the Target walkie.

First of all, not a lot of people know, but that lady actually works at Nocolett Mall in Minneapolis. She’s one of the corporate people, and for one reason or another, they decided that Midlred’s voice was just bitchy enough to come over their walkie system, making their employees sink further mentally into corporate servitude. I can only imagine what staff meetings were like with Mildred (I don’t know if that’s her real name, but it sounds like a crotchety old grandma’s name). Can you imagine working with this lady? Going to conferences with her, and hearing her damn voice that entire time? It’s bad enough that we have/had to hear her voice on the occasional backup cashier call, etc.

But still…even though I didn’t work directly with Mildred, her voice still echoes in my deepest nightmares.

“This is your restroom checkup reminder” Thanks, Mildred. How many times do you have to do that when a guest is standing nearby me, and thinks it’s MY job to go clean the place where people piss and shit? And she does it every hour–on the hour–to ensure that the guests have a clean place to take a dump whenever they make it out of their trailer homes.

MILDRED: “Fast service needed in Electronics. Who is responding?”

Not me…

MILDRED: “Fast service needed in Electronics. Second request, fifteen seconds remaining.”

LAZY LOD: “Uh, Tyler, do you have that Electronics call?”

MILDRED: “The request has been cleared. Electronics.”

I LOVE when the service calls expire and LODs lose their shit. It’s as if they are linked by the heart and soul to those service buttons, and every time one expires, the black curtain of death descends down upon their soul a little further. What’s better is when the LOD uproots his or her ass from wherever they’re busy being lazy to go head towards Electronics. Not to clear the call button or help the guest; but to reprimand the Team Member who missed the call button. I love when the fat LOD is halfway there and the button finally gets cleared.

It’s fucking r******d, however, how many times I’ve heard those call buttons go off and the Team Member say over the walkie, “This is so-and-so, can someone help me with that call button?” Notice how the LOD will never respond to this. However, they’ll be the first ones to jump your shit as to why you didn’t get it.

YOU: “I was with another guest. I asked for help, but no one responded.”

LOD: “Well, jibber jibber jabber jabber hoopla boopla doodie!” (That’s what they always sounded like to me when they’d speak).

That asshole LOD who is there to ream your ass is also the same LOD who was just sitting on his/her ass, not doing a goddamn thing, and instead of helping you to clear a call button, chose to wait it out and let you fail…so that he/she could go rip you a new ass hole and feel powerful. No excuse is good enough for them as to why you didn’t clear that call button. Instead, they’ll give you r******d statistics about how many (or few) call buttons have been missed that month, and basically make you feel like you’re fucking up the entire corporation’s future profitability and success because you missed that one goddamn call button. Shame on you.

MILDRED: “Additional cashiers to the front lanes”

R******D EMPLOYEE: “This is Billy Bob, I’ll be right up.”

ANOTHER R******D EMPLOYEE: “This is Jack Mehoff, I’m on my way…”

Followed by more employees who are trying way too fucking hard to impress management, saying they’ll be up in a jiff.

But not you. Noooo. What do you care? Mildred is only going to repeat herself. None of that “missed call button” shit. She’ll just keep requesting backup, and only when the fat GSTL presses the button relentlessly while she huffs and puffs at how lazy the staff is. Fuck you, Mildred. Fuck. You.

Ohhh and then there’s that infamous Guest Call Button. That one that dings like a fucking doorbell over your walkie, and Mildred says the department only. Followed by another fucking bell. And Mildred. Bell. Mildred. AAAHHHHHH!!!!





YOU: (Ripping your walkie off of your hip) GRAAAAHHHHH!!! AHHHH!! GAHHH!! (Chucking walkie across the department) SHUT THE FUCK UP, MILDRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HAAAAATE YOUUUUU!!!!!






  • Barytone says:

    We don't have the "ding-dong" are our store, is that new?

    That has got to be as annoying as fuck.

    We have this TL at my store that flips her shit whenever a call button comes goes off. She literally yells out "there's a call button in Pets, who has got that? Mike? Sally? I can't get it I'm in the fixture room!" Then someone asks a different questions and she always yells out "no chatter on the walkies until the call button is clear! Come on team we have 30 seconds! FAST SERVICE!"

    She is also follows the rule of three - always give your order three times.

    "We need back up to the front lanes! Back up to the front lanes! All available back up to the front lanes!"

  • viciousdave says:

    Yeah I hear all the time in the front, "team this is no excuse, I need 3 members on the lanes now." "Team why are you not responding, you are being irrisponsible and disrespecful to the rest of the team, get up here now, we have a ton of guests." Well it's true though in my store. More often than anything it's me and two other guys doing the cashier front lanes, and oh yeah, tons of people come. Well, WTF, there's an easy fix you idiot Target, schedule more people you fucking idiots!

  • Silverfox says:

    xD, i would just go hey, since there's a huge line up, hand me a couple of bags and just throw stuff down the belt and i'll bag my own groceries. And then when it comes time to pay i just poke a my pin in. I used my pin and chip today at target.

    • Silverfox says:

      erm poke my card into the reader and punch in my pin. Next time I should test if that machine at target can do paypass. Seriously, paypass when it's busy is a lifesaver. Beep and go. Beep and go.


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