Target Sucks - We Hate Target and We Know We're Not Alone.

February 10, 2014 - Hate_Me

Target Sucks My Metaphorical Ball Sack

I still hate Target, even after 3 years of not working there after I quit with 2-weeks notice. I seriously fucking HATE Target. Living in a small-ish Montana town, I don’t have a whole shitload of options as to where to shop, unless I wanna go and battle the white trash at Wal Mart for the last can of spray cheese. And let’s be honest; no one’s gonna win the battle against a raging bowling alley fat mama who wants her fuckin’ spray cheese and she wants it NOW. I’m a buck-twenty-five; I can’t risk being squished by a large Marge who has gotta have her Ritz and cheese for a midnight snack attack. But I digress.

So, on occasion, when I need Advil, shampoo, enemas, colostomy bags, oversized rectal thermometers, XXL tampons, assless leather chaps, or other wordly items, I am forced to visit the Hell hole known as “Target”. I worked there for 5 years, and I honestly feel like a part of my soul was left there…skewered on a white, plastic coat hanger and wiped up sloppily with an Adjacency book. 

I had to go to Target today for some shampoo. I didn’t wanna. But it’s been snowing like a motherfucker here for days, and I didn’t wanna drive all the way across town to battle previously-mentioned cheese-sucking big mama at Wal Mart. So I walked in to Target, and immediately, three employees whom I had worked with (who STILL work there) came scurrying up to me. They were so excited to see me that it threw me off a little. They kept asking me questions, as if they were prisoners, trapped in lock-down 23 hours a day with only a small window which leads out to a view of a brick wall. I felt like I was talking to Gollum, and the outside world was “The Precious”. “What’s it like…in freedom?” “Is the outside world scary?” “When will my Target brand on my left shoulder heal?” 

I felt so bad for these poor bastards, but at the same time…I’ve told them to quit NUMEROUS times when they ask me what they should do. They never have. They always say the same shit like, “Yeah, I’m so ready to put in my notice…” and then they never do. You know what this makes them? Askholes; someone who asks for your advice and then does the complete opposite.

So I scampered away from them, feeling the dark shadows of Target once again consuming my soul. As I shopped in the grocery department in a desperate search for some comfort food I found myself suddenly needing, I saw the same old Team Lead who was there all the years that I was…and even longer. He looked so ragged and beat-down, and when I said “Hi” to him, his head snapped up as if to say, “What? Someone called me by my name? Who is this ‘Tom’ you speak of? Tom left years ago…he is now Team Member 49675498”.

Anyway, it was sad. There’s no point to this rant, really. I was fucking bored and wanted to bitch about Target and reflect on the servitude that they demand there, and the consequences that it has on the human psyche. Ok, that’s all. P.S. “Fuck”.

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Comments

  • buymeamovie1st says:

    ah all so true! Its been a year for me now and ive been traumatized so much I have to catch myself from not moving things forward at my new job lol

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  • TargetGrunt says:

    This is just pure speculation on my part, but maybe part of the reason they haven't left Target is due to a bad job market? The two towns I can think of that match your description are Great Falls and Kalispell, with a 4.8% and 6.1% unemployment rate respectively. If they don't have anything past a GED/HSD, then maybe Target (or similar dead-end jobs) are all they can get? Especially in a smaller town where a higher unemployment rate can make the applicant pools larger.

    Montana does have a pretty good college graduation rate overall, though, so I'm probably way off base.

    My other guess is that their morale/self-esteem are so low that they just don't have the energy/desire to do anything to better themselves. It's partly why a few of my coworkers are still with Target despite them saying that they're "constantly looking for work elsewhere.""

    But regardless, fuck Target and be glad you're rid of them.

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    • TargetSucks says:

      4.8% or 6.1% are actually both very low numbers, and lower than the national average. 4.8% unemployment is actually the lowest number in a decade (compared to the national average), except for 4.4% in 2006. 6.1% being the lowest number after 2007. http://data.bls.gov/timeseries/LNS14000000

      I think your last thought is probably most accurate. The battered girlfriend that won't leave the abusive boyfriend.

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      • TargetGrunt says:

        You have a point there. I was assuming that the percentages had a higher impact due to the lower population, but overall I guess it doesn't really affect anything.

        Also, that Wiki article LODSaretheMissingLink posted explains a lot at my store...

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        • Hate_Me says:

          The unemployment rate in Billings isn't too bad, as far as I know. The people who work for the 2 Targets here are (for the most part) just a bunch of (a) teenagers who don't give a shit, (b) old people who are so decrepit that it's ambiguous as to whether or not they're still alive or just moving around from all the worms and maggots in their bodies, (c) white trash, brown trash, and....no, the black people here are quite respectable... (d) fucking r*****s. They just are mostly trashy people who grew up in the trailer parks or low-income areas, and so they don't really strive for much more than mediocrity. But I like both of your points, both of you.

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  • Silverfox says:

    lol, if your new job is hiring, send a memo to some still there target folks and offer them the job. 😉 Or open a new business and hire all your ex-co-workers one by one and let target try to survive without them. Of course pick the ones that do all the work. Let target keep the ones that don't do anything

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