November 4, 2019 - No_Name_Tag
Target: slow, fucked, and unfriendly
Alright, so here’s the gig. I was hired back in July at a store in Aurora Colorado and I gotta say: FUCK THIS GOD DAMN JOB.
I was hired for full time in tech, and at first I was excited, but by the second week, I had aged 3-5 years, easily. My experience has been nothing but a collection of passive aggressive half wits who are in charge of the store, or their respective departments. The girl who is in charge of soft-lines and tech is almost NEVER to be seen. Even though on my first day she told me she would be there to assist me with tune in on Mondays. One of the biggest wastes of time, by the way.
Now to be fair, I’m definitely quite the opposite of a model employee. Sure, I’m on time and only ever called out twice in my 6 months there, but I almost never have a name badge, and I’m certainly not the “bust your ass to get these 10,000 tasks done in your entire 8 hour shift” type. I show up, take a shit for about 20 minutes, then consider turning on the collection of gar-baje TV’s on our dusty ass TV wall and get started with the rest of my bs busy work. You best believe, however, that the two Vizios that are right next to each other that CONSTANTLY turn one off and another on as I’m fighting with the remote in the morning, will result in me giving it the old “college try” but inevitably deciding that if only one or the other turns on, then that’s the way it’s gonna be.
ONE FOR ONES CAN LIGMA, DUDE!!! A hodgepodge of menial tasks and job security. I’ve never known target employment pre modernization, but I FEEL the pain of these big forheaded morons decision to “update the work force.” How the FUCK are 127 of the same book supposed to fit on a 5” shelf?? Oh, and make sure to cut into the budget for employee hours by purchasing 1 million copies of Captain Feminism for each store, so that the damn one for ones demand 20 copies each morning, just so I can’t put them out and have to back stock them. But you’ll do it because you’re happy to work here, right?
The biggest issue I have is the target lingo. What in the red pubed fuck is a “depth fill”? JUST SAY STOCK THE SHELVES. Oh, and that wide tongued mother fucker who is just standing there waiting for me to acknowledge his presence, instead of simply saying “excuse me sir, I know I didn’t even bother to look, but where’s the printer ink?” Yeah, him. He’s not a “guest” he’s a (dipshit) customer. And I’m a fucking employee. Well, a glorified robot, but you get what I’m saying.
I will also add, that EVERY single time someone has come in to try and buy a phone, or the minutes away from death couple that comes in to put all their 10+ year old phones on consumer cellular, I get myself out of that situation PRONTO.
“Oh sorry man, we are expecting a shipment, but it hasn’t come in yet.”
“Sorry gramps, my computer is down so I won’t be able to spend 4 hours on your phones and tablets today.”
Get the hell outta here with that. Go to a phone store, who do I look like to you, Kunta Kinte Verizon boy? Sure, if I didn’t have a fuck load of other shit to do every day, I would be happy to kill an entire shift on phone sales. But seeing as how I have zero incentive and nothing but getting behind on my tasks to see at the end of it, count me out, I was “never trained.”
I’ll end it with this and I do hope you’ve enjoyed the read, I had a lot to say and tried to make it entertaining. 500 ITEMS FOR PRICE CHANGE IS BEYOND THE ABILITY OF ONE PERSON IN AN 8 HOUR SHIFT, ERICA!
Fuck tarshit, peace.