September 28, 2012 - TargetSucks
30 Things You Can Expect From Target
(1) A dick up your ass; on a daily basis
(2) Two dicks up your ass, when LOD’s overlap
(3) Three-to-five dicks up your ass, if it’s a Saturday and your Team Leads, Senior Team Leads, and ETL’s are all scheduled at the same time
(4) “Guests” shoving their dicks in your ass. “Can I help you find something?”…don’t ever ask this question–ever. No matter who’s watching. The guest will either respond with a brief, rude grunt at the mere sight of a peon like you invading their personal bubble, or they will say, “Yeah, actually…I’m looking for _______ “. At which point, you have a dick up your ass, regardless of these two circumstances.
(5) Bullshit. Tons and tons of bullshit.
(6) Hours? You want hours?? HAHAHAHA!!! Oh wait, you’re serious….
(7) “Did you ask that guest ‘Can I help you find something?'”
(8) Hearing about the kiss-ass at the front lanes who’s gotten ten billion Red Cards this week, and the fact that you suck balls for not getting ten billion-and-one.
(9) Staying late…every time.
(10) Meaningless, pointless, cryptic write-ups.
YOU: “What am I being written up for exactly?”
YOUR ‘BOSS’: “Uhh…you uh, didn’t stock the tampons from ‘Light Flow’ to ‘Heavy Flow’….”
YOU: “Oh. That explains everything”.
(11) Great Team Hero = Who Fucking Cares?
(12) Kids shit in the weirdest places…
(13) Homeless people actually sleep in fitting rooms
(14) Yes, there is a “right way” and a “wrong way” to hang EVERYTHING.
(15) You are responsible for guests stealing shit. You didn’t see them do it? Well you weren’t looking hard enough, dummy. Write up.
(16) White trash–everywhere.
(17) You gain the realization that electronic wheelchairs are just about the most annoying fucking things in the universe.
(18) Unfolded shirts wind up in your nightmares
(19) Cover the diamonds……..
(20) Bosses + PDA = “I look like I’m doing something….. right?”
(21) Children like to touch every fucking thing in the store
(22) People don’t flush
(23) “Guests” apparently covet their PIN number…until they’re at your check out lane and can’t fucking remember it
(24) ‘Speed Score’ is another term for “Suck my ass”
(25) Bullseye needs to be made into a live target
(26) Nobody is happy working there. Nobody.
(27) Your review sucked, as did everyone else’s. Get over it.
(28) Your boss DOES indeed think they are the be-all, end-all. Just key their car.
(29) Drinking doesn’t make Target go away
(30) Cart attending is the worst job in the entire world–period.
(10)Dislikes
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The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Two things...
#10- light flow to heavy flow...hilarious!
#12- when you say kids shit in the weirdest places...do you mean actual shit, or just kids stuff? ...or both? 😉
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
God, #8 especially. I can ask as much as I want about RedCards and even ask when I'm NOT prompted (even if it's for a pack of gum) and I won't get any nibbles on RedCards. And then get threatened to get written up. Then there's so-and-so who has been there for 10 years and brags about how they've gotten 200 RedCards since June and complain when they don't get their stupid prize for getting 20 more in one day. Just shut up and stop taking shit so seriously.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
I meant they take shits wherever they want...carts, the card aisle, fitting room (just to name a few places I've personally discovered their little butt jewels). However, they leave their metaphorical 'shit' everywhere, too...I like reaching my hand into a stroller and finding a wet pacifier, a dirty diaper, or a moldy old bottle of milk. It's fucking awesome.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
"The 30" ought to be posted above the clock-in/out station at EVERY store.
The very last time I was written up, I even said to the fucking moron that I expected him to put me out of my misery. And as this was happening, another boss called him over the walkie to tell him that he really fucked up on something in one department.
And that guy who thought he was all powerful? He knows that I still want to pummel the fuck out of him even after I've quit.
And lastly...FUCKING A CORRECT!!! BEING A CART ATTENDANT WILL MAKE YOU HOMICIDAL!!!!
Now, I'll take it further and add another to your list: Having nightmares of still working at Target AFTER you're no longer employed there.
#22, add they don't wash their hands either or make sure they actually aimed and got it all in the toilet or urinal. You wouldn't think it would be hard to get it all in the toilet since you are sitting down on it, but apparently it is for some.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Sometimes I miss the hole if I party too hard haha Or if the Colts are losing. Then I'm just a drunk waste of life who pisses everywhere. Sometimes on others. ...It happens.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Somehow I think this has something to do with your $3000 income you were referring to...
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
That's $3,000 a night, depending on which corner I stand on.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
And how much gatorade you drink... Do you take a lot of vitamins ahead of time to make it more interesting?
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
If by "vitamins", you mean "heroin, crack cocaine, meth, and painkillers", and by "Gatorade" you mean "Shitloads of liquor to drown your whoreish soul", then yes, I do quite a bit of both. How else is a streetwalker gonna do her job with any shred of dignity?
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Hey, a job is a job is a job.
Did you see that? I did that thing where they say the same thing three times and somehow that solidifies the point. Go me!
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Oh, you did! But before you reiterated how awesome it was, your point was already solidified in my mind. I was like, "Wow, that's true...a job is a job is a job. How thought-provoking and intriguing."
Then I remembered that I'd rather be homeless, living out of a cardboard box, sucking down whiskey while I sit next to my bearded lady-friend while we harass passersby than work for Target ever again...
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Holy shit, I have a profile picture!! Epic.
What I want one of those!
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
It's pretty awesome, isn't it... I even picked it out myself, like a big girl.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
You're my hero. 🙂
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
No, you're MY hero. I'd sing that cheesy song to you, but it'd be weird. And awkward, since I'd essentially be singing it to my laptop...
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
That's fine with me, I'll hold my lighter up to my laptop for an encore. Sing it loud. 🙂